Women’s Guide to Crap on TV.

If women are from Venus then the origin of manhood must be somewhere in the Andromeda galaxy and I’m not even sure that 2.5 million light year gap can explain the extreme differences between men and women. Nowhere is this more evident than the differences between television watching habits. Women seem to have the ability to find shit on TV within mere seconds of it coming on. I know what you’re thinking, anyone can do that, there’s a lot of crap on TV these days. No, I’m not talking ordinary crap here that immediately floats to the top like Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader and Opera. I’m talking sinks straight to the bottom shit that is hard to see in that little flush cave like Platinum Weddings, and virtually any cooking show, and Sunset Tan… Women love gossip and human tragedy. That’s why they like the E! Channel and have to TiVo the Dateline when Katie Couric is interviewing the little Cuban boy with cancer that got blown to Africa by a hurricane while he was trying to swim his way to America to find a cure. What’s amazing, they seem to genuinely care.

“Honey did you mail my car payment?”

“Shhhh, what the hell is the matter with you…aren’t you listening to what Pablo went through you insensitive bastard!”

All well that’s why we have a 42” High Def TV in the bedroom. If I get banished there while Bridezilla is on then I’m doing ok. I love the Military, Science, and History channels and would be perfectly happy if those were the only 3 channels I got. I can spend an entire day watching things like Myth Busters, Human Weapon, and Future Weapons. I like the Hot Rod shows on Spike sometimes and occasionally make my way to the National Geographic channel. Maybe this difference stems back to the days when men were the hunters and needed to learn how to survive and protect while women gossiped in the brush while picking berries.

“Hey Tammy, I heard Judy’s boy Raymond can barely start a fire…it’s no wonder though, his dad can’t even make a bow…he has to hunt with a spear still.”

To sum up…a woman’s ultimate TV show would be Oprah cooking gourmet cuisine with Pablo, after he was rescued from the Hurricane (and given a cure his cancer by Tom Cruise), for a celebrity bitch getting married in a tanning salon where people fight all the time.

A man’s ultimate TV show would be two naked blond lesbians muffing down on one another on top of a M1A1 Abrams Tank in Afghanistan while being protected by a Marine Corps Scout Sniper team who are blowing away insurgents from 2500 yards while the 75th Ranger Regiment uses modified ’71 Split bumper Camaros with 454 Rat motors topped by two Holly 750 carbs resting comfortably in a tunnel ram to chase down French PETA activist with 700hp of all out terrorist ass kicking, lesbian love making, American Super Power, gun owning, gas guzzling, rain forest burning, whale hunting, ice cap melting, fuck the rest of the world fun! And I would watch every minute of it with a Jack & Coke in my hand, my heart pounding in my chest, pumping adrenaline through my veins, and ejaculating testosterone from every orifice of my body.