Suicide Bombers Must Be Horney!!!

Today there was yet another attack on the U.S., this time in Yemen. Every time I hear that I think about those terrorist and scratch my head trying to figure out how they could be so stupid. Don’t get me wrong, I can appreciate terrorism as an effective war fighting strategy against a much bigger, stronger, more advanced foe but it’s the suicide bombers that always get me. I can understand hating someone so much that you want them dead, and hating so much you’re willing to die in battle, but hating them so much that you’re willing to die without a battle…? How stupid do you have to be?
So here’s my theory on how terrorist leaders recruit these pawns:

Young Male: “Hello Mr. Terrorist.”
Terrorist: “Hello, would you like to come to our brainwashing…I mean training camp?”
Young Male: “Nope.”
Terrorist: Let’s see, what do young males like…ah! “You should come, there will be about 70 virgins there just waiting to screw your brains out.”
Young Male: “I’m in! What do I have to do?”
Terrorist: “Just go over there by that Embassy and the virgins will come get you. Oh, and put on this vest…they think its hot! If you have any questions just push the little red button to call me.”

Guys, have a mind of your own…you’re a pathetic looser that lives in the dessert (that alone would win you a Darwin award) girls only go out with you because you beat them and if you were picky you would let the women over there show some flesh. In other words, no virgin is going to risk sand in her vagina to give it up to you.
I bet terrorism would fall 80% overnight if we dropped Xbox’s instead of bombs… …speaking of which it’s time to see how many newbs I can splatter with the Warthog!